I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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