Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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