Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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