I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
