i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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