my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My dick has a subreddit
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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