Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
