I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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