I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
