so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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