Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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