what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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