so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
