hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
