Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize