very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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