I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
