I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
