Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
