My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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