Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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