Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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