dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
