I love black thongs
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
