On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
