So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
