I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
