I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
