Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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