Hey man sorry I got all grabby
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
