All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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