About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
