Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
