It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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