Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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