It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
