If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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