my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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