she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
