Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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