I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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