erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
