i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize