So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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