I just cut my nipple shaving
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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