y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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