ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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