I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
