I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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