just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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