I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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