true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
