just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
