well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Your penis caused this!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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