what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
