the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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