I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
