there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
