Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm always down for nudity.
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