First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
