i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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