What a fucking waste of an outfit
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
