you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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