I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
