he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
