Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
