Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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