He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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