i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
