i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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