there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Mom said you looked used
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
