I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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