How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
