I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
