She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
