haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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