I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
