I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
