my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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