I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
